In 2013, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I was happy because I was in a new relationship with my first love, sharing our first child together. I had already had two boys from previous relationships. My 2013 baby was supposed to be the last. I remember asking my doctor about having my fallopian tubes tied and cut-something that would be permanent. I was 30 years old at the time and decided I was more than happy with three boys. She told me that the procedure was rarely done but told me that Essure was permanent and did not contain hormones. She described it as a procedure that would create scar tissue from the coils and fuse my tubes closed so that I would not get pregnant again. Two years went by without incident. After a very stressful month, I realized I was about two weeks late. I refused to believe I was pregnant but realized I had all the symptoms. I took two home pregnancy tests and one from my primary care physician’s office. All three confirmed what my doctor promised me would never happen again-I was pregnant with my fourth child. It seems unreal to me. I laid in the operating chair wide awake and in pain while they performed the surgery. My doctor invited other doctors and student nurses in the room because it was their first time seeing the procedure taking place. I laid there almost in tears trying not to scream or tense up because all of this stuff was going on inside of me. It hurt just like child labor. Afterwards, I remember cramping horribly and bleeding for about a week. I went back for my check up and things were fine. Now two years later, an ultrasound shows that the coil in my right tube has shifted which caused the pregnancy. I was told that once the coils were placed in my body it was permanent, could never be removed. I was told these things would not move-hence the word ‘fuse’. I feel that I was lied to, I was misled. I should have followed my instinct and asked for tubal removal. I should have but I trusted my doctor and this procedure. Now I have to make the decision to go along with a very high risk pregnancy or terminate. Either way, my life has been irrevocably changed and there’s nothing I can do about it. I also have to figure out what type of birth control I should be using because apparently what I thought was already taken care of was not. This is heartbreaking. I love being a mother but I know I cannot bring another baby into the world under my current circumstances. I don’t want to have to go back to public aid and assistance but a fourth child will put me right back there. It’s not just I cannot afford another baby-I was not prepared for another baby. Not emotionally or financially. I would have to buy a new car, move to a bigger and more expensive place, and figure out how in the world would we afford daycare. Daycare alone is $200 a week for our two year old. No one cares and no one has a reason-just ‘these things happen’. It’s an awful feeling. I went through all that pain for nothing. Now I’m left to make the most emotional decision of my life.